Oh me, oh my. So. The JP experiement failed and I'm back in Wakefield, but not dreading it as much as I did last time. Last winter I was all over the place, but this time I think I can use this stability to get some work that I've been neglecting done. I bent another keyboard the other day and used it last night playing music with Brian at his metal shop in Lynn and it was really good. Brian said it made him think of soldiers. I'm currently cat-sitting and watching Ghost Hunters. The problem with this show that makes it total bullshit is that the cameras are on them, not where they're looking, so all the show is is them talking to nothing then going "Oh shit!" and the camera shooting over to where nothing is. Its happened like ninety god damn times so far. The should have head mounts, whatever.

Oh here's some sketches from the past few months. I'm going to start to try to do this at least a couple times a week. We'll see. I'm still plagued by the fact that after drawing for twenty years, I still can't draw cars.

God Damn It

I just made a huge post about how wonderful tonight is, my current wonderful thoughts, wonderful things that are going on and a whole bunch of wonderful shit then accidentally hit "back" and lost it. But to Sum Up:

-Tonight's the type of night where you feel bad for anyone that's asleep because there's few nights like this in a year and they're missing it. Like every night in Austin in October. You also feel bad for yourself because you're experiencing it alone. Like every night in Boston in September.

-I need to stop. I'm starting to seriously miss having a home. I'm too transient. I haven't lived anywhere for more than three months in the last two years.

-I might move in with Tyler, Tim, and Mel into this great place in JP. I also might move back to Texas. I'm an idiot, now and forever.

-I'm in the process of acquiring bands for a show on October 12 at the Midway. Currently enlisted are Big Blue Octopus and Peace & Quiet. Eat Cloud is very probable, I just haven't heard back from Andy, but that's in no way unusual behavior. Andy's the type of person where you're crossing the street in Ohio and he happens to be on the other side waving and saying "woah." I emailed Neptune to headline because if they do the place'll be packed and the aforementioned bands would get a lot of exposure with the right type of audience.

-I had a roll of film in my camera for the last four or five months. It starts in Montreal and ends on Lamartine St. Visual catalogue of my pesonal lack of direction in the last few months. Here's some winners:


Man Man at the Paradise. Wierd night for me.


Jess at her senior show. Wierd night for me.


Keanne and Mel in the back of my car. Good day for me.


Garce got in a car crash in LA and that scar is from his bones leaving his arm. He had to move home. Wierd.


Horror Movies and 40's and Asheville all over.


Remember that bug I was talking about?


Queechee Gorge. Great day for me.


Me in Queechee Gorge. Great day for me.


You thought you knew what sweet was.


Lamartine.

So yeah. The original post was all sappy and poetic and whatever. I got work to do.

I got Bless This Mess tattooed on my chest

Not really. So August barely happened. I think it's because I never really stopped moving the entire month. Since my triumphant return from a month of leisure and splendor in Asheville I wasn't ready to stop. I hit up New York, got pissed at it (thought I did shoot a video with Casey which turned out pretty good), went to Providence, loved it again, then got home. I spent a lot of time in Salem, met some new people, hung with the old and classic.

I spent three beautiful days in Vermont visiting my friend Becca and was constantly reminded about what's actually nice in life and what isn't. We camped every night in the rain, one night running for our lives from some hidden (imaginary) terror. Woke up to fog and sun and walked around tiny, lovely towns.

I came home wishing I didn't have to and started work on a new comic, a scathing review of my life in the spring. Its a reflection on how I basically did nothing but mope and drink from February til May when I finally realised that it was bogus and that I had been doing nothing for no reason, not for some person. It was my own decision to be shitty and being that way isn't going to fix anything that's wrong. Its called "Unproductive -or- My Sorry State In Spring 2008" and should be on shelves in Cambridge and Somerville in a week or two. 30p. Not bad. My most straight forward story ever since there's no monsters or blood or fights. Its good to look at the bad you and remember why you weren't like that before. I remember one night I was talking to Jess about something, maybe some fight I got into, and she said to me "What ever happened to going to the beach? Or flying kites?" And that helped me to get where I am now.

I drove to New York again to help a friend and left feeling horrible and alienated. I had a long, loud talk with myself for the six hours it took me to get home for some reason. I felt better when I got back.

I worked for a week and a half as a sculptor's assistant (helmicksculpture.com) and I can easily say it was the best job ever. Free coffee twice a day, free lunch, needless bonus pay and I landed free tickets to see Grizzly Bear at the MFA. And there were two cats in the studio. Dreamy. I saw Black Dice as well at MassArt and was terribly disappointed. I've seen them twice before and it was great, but this time... not so much.

The following week I spent three days at Alan's parents' beach house on Prudence Island and suddenly everything was great again. I felt like nothing was horrible and it was just good to hang with my friends like it was old times at Meatland. We grilled and watched cartoons and swam and I got pretty good at piloting a corical (a tiny circular boat). Lots of sunsets, lots of drawing, lots of writing, lots of reading. Just good times.

I got back too late to go to a wake I wanted to attend, but went to the fund-raiser the next day. The thing felt wierd and I left early. If you heard about a girl dying in Salem that was this girl I knew. No one should die yet. The Gulu, however, managed to raise 10k that night for her parents which is nothing short of amazing. Place was so packed I couldn't get JD's attention to pay my bill...

I spent the next day until sunday in Maine, bringing Lawrence back to the farm he'd been working on and to bring Mel home. It, too, was pretty wonderful, though I had hoped to score some cheap boots and found none. We had a nice surprise when we got there that Homefries and her friend Andrew were also coming back with us, with their bikes, but they had abandoned their bike rack in Bar Harbor. We played Apples to Apples and I managed to offend everyone somehow. There was lots of stars.

I slept that night with Lawrence and Mel in The Marshmallow, a tiny trailor the likes of which I hope to own one day. It was great except that I had a needlessly savage nightmare. One of those where you wake up and all you can think is what the fuck was that? I won't get into it. But I stumbled out of the trailor and into the most beautiful morning I can remember and felt intantly wierd. Still quivering from the nightmare but smothered in wonderful 7 am northern Maine on a farm. The Farm Mom had made blueberry muffins which I used to wake everyone else up so we could get to organizing the incredible ten pounds of shit we had to fit in a five pound car. Everything Mel owned, everything Lawrenced owned, a surfboard and two bikes. It took about 5 tries and the dog kept trying to get in. Such a good dog. But we did it and then went to Harrington? Beach in Scarborough. There were no waves and Tyler almost cried. I think we just came at the wrong time. The tide was going out, but the waves were breaking in the same spot, so if we came at high tide it would have been awesome. There actually were waves but at the time they were breaking about three feet from the shore.

I drove from there to Salem and got free Italian Ices from some new place that opened on Essex. Hung with JD and Brian, made a fire then went to JP when I got word Tim and Keanne had been baking pies. I got there and it was Corey's birthday so we drank a whole mess of mead but Tyler wouldn't sumo me. Piaxao fell asleep at some point, I got upset at some point (maybe aftershocks from the nightmare mixed with other things) and decided to just drive back to Wakefield for no reason.

I spent today applying for jobs in Boston, East Hampton, Asheville, Austin and Redrock and fixing my guitar. I've been working on it for six months and like most projects I put off, when I got back to it the solution was incredibly simple. It still needs a new 1/4" jack, but that's nothing. I'm starting a new band with myself and hopefully other people once I get it going called Human Hogan. Be on the lookout.

Speaking of bands I may be booking shows at The Midway in JP and Great Scott in Allston. That last one I might've imagined, but I think Natalie said that Ben said I could. So, if you need a show in a small place, I'm your man.

I'm reprinting DadMan Be Damned (this time with color covers!) and reapplying for the Xeric. The deadline is in 30 days. I got to mosey.

Tonight I began shading Unproductive then took a break and went to the beach. I sat down saw a shooting star and went home. Made some tea and started writing this.

I guess that's it. I'd say that's a pretty good month. Lets hope the next is >than or =to.

I feel like I'm in Jurassic Park. My screens aren't actually attached to the windows, so all manner of horrors creep in when the lights on. A beetle flew into my face twice until I decided to hit him with my guitar, then he stopped and rested on the wall. I can't just crush him. I noticed it looked like he was taking a shit on the wall and oh my god he's molting. Have you watched a beetle molt? Its horrible. Just pumping his new body out of his awful shell.

Then I got back to work modifying a poster I made for Steve's band Talk Modern (up now on matthewgiuffre.com) and I looked at a different part of the wall to notice a daddy long legs hanging out there. Then the shitty beetle fell off the wall and near my shoes so I said "keep away" and kicked them across the room where they landed next to another beetle.

Nothing beats the horror of a week or so ago. We were watching that awful horror movie and noticed this buzzing in the room. When the movie was over, on went the lights and there he was. Tim thought it was a "spider cricket" except that it had terrifyingly long antennae and MANDIBLES. Which it gnashed at us. We caught it in a cup and threw it into the yard.

I think the beetle died giving birth to itself.

Good night.

Its been a while and I've done a lot and I'm really tired, so I'm not sure how much I'll write. Why am I tired? Well. Saturday I drove 150 miles to Columbia where we stayed at an abandoned apartment that one of Tim's friends stopped paying for, but the landlord was ok with him still using. I don't know. That night we went to a great bar called The Whig. It itself was allright, $2 pbr's, etc, but the thing about it is it used to be the basement of a bank, so there's one room that's a converted vault and it just feels like a victorian hunter's lodge. There was a deer head (for some reason painted black), a stuffed fox and an entire wall of antelope scull caps with antlers, those of which Tim's friend Will was convinced were fake for no reason. There were end tables with glass tops and beyond that glass were cow skulls surrounded by fake flowers. It was a strange, great place. The owner apparently worked as a chemist (no shit?) for three years to save up money to open it. It sounds like a good plan. It's what I'd like to do at least.

The next day we didn't do jack shit. It was something like 100 degrees in Columbia so we got Keanne got on her bus to Raleigh (I forgot to mention I had to stay up all night to bring her to the Greyhound, only to sit there from 4-6 while she missed two buses since the workers were entirely unable to tell her which bus to catch) went to breakfast, checked a record store (I didn't find anything worth getting, but Tim got some old George Thoroughgood records) then just sat in the air conditioned vagrant's lounge of an apartment and watched Cowboy Bebop. 7 episodes. That's a lot. That night, though Will invited us over and made some insane pasta and cream sauce and afterwards we stopped at The Whig again since the paper said it was soul night, but when we got there there was no soul. That's every other sunday, but they advertise every sunday just because. So we had a few drinks and rolled another 100 miles to Charleston. The next day it was 102 out and Tim's parents had some friends over who developed marital issues while they were visiting, which made everything go very smoothly. They were nice, just, separately. We went to the beach then sat around, Machaela's flight got cancelled so she'd have to come in the morning at like 8, so we went to the water and shot off a shitload of fireworks. The most surprising was a sweet little fellow called the Colorful Wheel. not so interesting on his own, he's just one of those fools you nail to a post and he spins, but we kicked it into the water and it spun and smoked and screamed. Awesome.

Today we woke up and went to the beach. I'd aparently been laughing in my sleep again. Oh well. The waves were a lot stronger than the last three times I'd been there and the ocean finally stole the sunglasses I stole off the front porch off of my face.

Then I headed back to Asheville. I lost one of the lenses to the pair of shades I stole from Dad a few years ago but I wore them anyway. What happened is that my eyes sort of evened themselves out and when I took them off, my left eye saw fine and right eye saw brown. They're fine now. Also it was unkindly hot in South Carolina so I drove with my shirt off like a winner and I now am the proud owner of a seatbelt tanline. Could be worse. Could be lace.

Last Friday I got shamefully drunk and wound up puking, but felt instantly better. I still slept on the couch in shame. What I had was another 32oz beer at that place, then another beer, then three white russians. That's enough for anyone.

Earlier last week I spent on a mountain. I'll go more into that later, but there's not much to tell, really, so I might not bother.

Good night.

Yesterday was great. I wound up going to a derby game. The teams were relatively new, less than a year old, I think, but they were brutal. it was a lot different than games in Boston. For one thing it seemed more of a novelty than the actual sport the dames up north treat it as. For example, the anouncers kept saying things like "Don't they look great, folks?" That shit would never fly. It was like a throwback to the staged games in the 70's, when it was more about cute girls getting in fights (which happened) than actual serious competition. The first game kind of sucked, it was I guess the Asheville B-team, and the final score was like 50-40, but there was plenty of spills and injuries and two girls got ejected for starting a fight after two pig piles brought both teams entirely to the ground, I just don't think they've realised the full intent of the sport yet. The second game however, was the Asheville allstars vs Charlotte and that was great. It was close the whole time, yet again there was lots of spills, but the Asheville jammers were really good, definitely on par with the pros. We left with ten minutes left and apparently during that ten minutes Charlotte caught up to pass Asheville by 3 points, but then Asheville made an insane 20 point comeback.

We talked about it after and if they get sponsored, they could be great. I guess they only have each other to play right now, since they don't have the funding to travel anywhere. Greg, who's house we had the q at the other day, said he'd build them a bank track. Awesome.

After that we went to the Frog again and it was awesome again. Eric caught me impersonating him, which was funny. I went to the bathroom and they had repaired the stall door which had been ripped off the other night. Eugene was right.

Then we went to a marvelous party. It was luau themed, which didn't really mean anything, but there was a trash can filled with ice and pbr's and a percussion jam going on in the basement. For a while we sat and drank in an old VW minibus parked in the back, which was surreal. The beers were wearing little Hawaiian shirts. The best part, other than getting hit on which is always nice, was upstairs. In the living room this guy and girl were playing old timey hits on banjos. We sat around and sang along, they played all those southern songs you know some of the lyrics to somehow. "I was born in east Virginia, North Carolina, I did roam..." Then out of nowhere, this guy showed up with hard face, goatee, ripped carharts and fiddle and made everything perfect. He knew so many songs and was so amazing he could have been born during the civil war. Then someone kicked over a lantern and the whole place caught on fire and we had to run home.

Just kidding.

I caught a white moth and threw it at Tim.

Afterwards we had gin and tonics at Tim's, Keanne went to bed and Tim and I investigated a 24-h coffee shop on Merriman. There was almost no one there, except for some nerds upfront arguing about which class is best in Neverwinter Nights. Obviously its rogue, since rogue is the best class in any game. I can't stand nerds who can't also be cool. Its so easy. In a lot of ways I'm a lot nerdier than any nerd I've met, I just do a lot more. Oh well.

Then I went to bed.

So thursday was spent at a BBQ at Tim's brother's friend Greg's house. Ha. It was great. We sat around, drank, ate, played with the pitbulls, played Hot Dice and listened to the Pogues and The Dirtbombs. You can't picture anything more appropriate and neither can I.

Yesterday we drove around West Asheville, I got my car looked at and rather than being totally screwed with a transmission problem, the rattling was just a rusted heat shield that the guy at The Organic Mechanic would later grind off. No more problem other than that I can't park on dry grass or it'll set on fire and blow up my car, like, as Dad told me, on the Sopranos. Keanne found me the perfect job here working for the city as exhibit Curator at all the museums, so i'd basically go from museum to museum see if anythings broken, take it, and fix it. Also, I'd get to design the exhibits as they happen, all in all a great job. The description was exactly what I am. They were looking for someone with experience in exhibit design, sculpture, photo, web design, carpentry, pretty much everything I know and am good at. Only problem is the deadline was last week, but I submitted a cover letter anyway, you never know. I might call next week to check the possibility.

Then I got really drunk. We went to this place that had 32oz Dos Equis for 3.50. So we all got on and Keanne only had half her's so Tim and I split it. Then I came home and passed out on the porchcouch for two hours, woke up, Tim brought me a 40, drank that, then we all split another. That was fun though, we just hung out on the porch with a couple of the people who live in the house that I hadn't met yet. Then we went to the bar. Tim bought me a glass of whiskey but I couldn't finish it. I dropped them off at another bar and went home.

Then today I got my hair cut! At this great place where they gave me a free beer with the cut. I talked to the chick about Asheville, how its better than Raleigh (no way!). Not much happened since. Tonight we're going to see a band comprised of three cute girls, so that should be fun. Everyone's at the Falls right now, but I didn't feel like going. When I'm new to a place I don't really like doing doubles, as we already went like two weeks ago.

Oh yeah. Yesterday we watched a horrible movie. The DVD said it was called Burial Ground, but when the title came up it was called The Nights of Terror. Either way it was stupid. And this horrible thing is in it:



But this also happens:



And that's all I'll say. Don't watch it. We didn't mean to.

I wish I had kept a more attentive record of what I've done this past week of travelling, but I didn't. We started out Sunday morning and met up with Jess in Providence for breakfast which was great. Moved on to New York. Keeping with tradition we saw a horrible accident on route 15. First there was traffic, which I thought I had avoided by opting to take 15 instead of 95, then I saw the dead dog on the side of the road. A real cutie too, little fox. Then I saw the car that tried to avoid it, still killed it, then drove istelf through the guard rail and almost down a hill, but got caught by some trees. Comepletely destroyed. I love animals of all shapes and intellects, but I tell you, I will kill a dog if it keeps you alive. I'd feel bad, but not as bad as if I'd killed you. I love you.

After that it was pretty easy and by driving slow I got beautiful mileage. We got caught in Mets traffic simultaneously with the most beastly storm I've ever driven though just as we were getting into Brooklyn. Not too bad. We then met up with Alice unloaded out stuff and rolled out to meet Alan at some bogus heavy metal bar that wasn't. There was $2 pabststststs but whatever thats still like paying to drink unattractive water that also smells. After that we met up with Jack and his silent crew at a nice bar where I spent 7 bucks on a white russian but oddly didn't feel shitty about it. I talked to Alan about fantasy novels, games and relationships, talked to Jack and James about comics, basketball, and relationships and talked to Alice about everything else. My friend Mollie was there and she made a great new comic. In the morning we got up, made breakfast and Alice and I recorded a song. around 12 we hit the road.

The trip down was pretty uneventful since I just drove in a straight line for 14.5 hours. I got a horrible cough that I'm just now getting rid of. We stopped at a Hottle House in either Virginia or West Virginia where we got a brutal, greasy breakfast for 4 dollars tha I would later shit out in the morning in a swirling brown shotgun blast. Other than the retarded (literally) cook, there was the 300 lb 14 year old (why are you here at one in the morning?). Child Abuse I say!

Asheville is in the Blue Ridge Mountains, which are a beautiful. The parkway on the way in constantly goes up and down hills, with big rig brake failure ramps at every turn. I almost tried one, but they're made of sand and I was too tired to deal. We stopped at an advertised scenic outlook and for the first time in my life, I saw the Milky Way. And a shooting star. They might be old news for you guys but I didn't see one until I was 20, they're still magic. We sat there for a minute then made it into town and my car started making a horrible noise that I've yet to investigate. A few days later it all but vanished, but I'd still like to get it looked at before I go anywhere of consequence. If that transmission dies, I'll die with it.

We stayed up watching Nightmare on Elm St V at Tim's brother's house until about 5 or 6. The next was spent wandering around downtown Asheville, having Tim point things that are neat and things that no longer exist. We visited his brother's roomate Eric at the bar he works at, The Flying Frog, and he gave us about ten beers and several shots for the price of three. We got trashed by 3. We think its the altitude. We stumbled around and eventually found our was back to his brothers house and passed out on the porch couches. Around 8 I got a call from this girl Emily who told me if I still wanted, I could move here:


My room is second floor, left

The place is great with a massive old stove with a built in deep fryer (obvi), piano, guitars, ukeleleleles, garden with blackberries, nice roomates who are rarely around and sweet when they are, big old yard and no smoking, which is nice. My room is massive with enough empty space that Keanne and I can both do workouts. We've been doing lots of pushups and stretches and aerobics. I feel like I've gotten weaker lately and I need to work on myself. I think it might be my proximity to Tim since he's basically my height and build, just thicker. I think I'd look wierd if I wasn't a stick, though. We'll see.

Also, Asheville's great since its hot during the day and cold at night. Perfect. We leave the windows open and get to sleep with blankets. The closets big enough for us to change in so we don't have to keep telling each other to turn around and close our eyes.

Thursday we went to Tim's parents' giant house in Charleston, SC. It was a couple days of painful leisure. We did nothing but sit around in the AC and drink and eat and read or play video games until it got dark, then we'd go out onto the porch and play cards and listen to music or go tot the beach. The water was so warm and was made out of tiny bioluminescent buddies. When you popped out of the water you could see little sparkles on your arms. Universe Arms. Standing in the water and letting glowing waves hit your chest is something you could do forever. We pretty much did. We went at night and it took over an hour for us to get cold. Kids on the beach shot fireworks over our heads. It was so nice.

But it was unproductive which bothered both Keanne and I. We understand we're not here long, but we'd rather do something with our time than sit around our lovely house, playing lovely guitar, on the filthy, horrible porch couches. So the second we got back here today we started looking for jobs both in Asheville and Boston, just to do it. I'm not sure if I'll stay. Of course, if I get a wonderful job I'll stay for a few months but I can see this place getting tired pretty quick. Unless I meet an excellent girl or something like that, but its unlikely. But yeah, odds are I'll be back in August, ready to pick up where I left off, nowhere.

Menu for tomorrow:

Walk around looking for jobs at record stores, cafes, and galleries.

I guess that's it. Maybe record some of the songs I wrote on the porch. They're pretty cute.

Okee doke. Also, if you haven't done so, go to my website and give me feedback. OK. Goodnight.

So I guess things are going well when you live in a town for two days and you already know how to drive your friend's blackoutdrunk friend back to their house in the middle of the night from across town. And you wind up driving them to another bar first. I think I'm doing well.

More later. Asheville's great.

Hey! Major redesign to the website! Check it out!

www.matthewgiuffre.com

Feedback is greatly appreciated. Granted, if you use Internet Explorer, it won't be as neat, which is why you should take this oportunity to download Opera. Much better in every way. It actually just got ranked as the most secure browser, and its just superior. Read about it. I've been using it for four years. Do it. Do it. Oh and for you dorks, its also better than Firefox, which stinks. Although, for mac users Opera isn't as great, since a lot of its beauty comes from having two mouse buttons for navigation, but whatever.

When you go, your computer might still have the old site up, so just hit refresh. I'm very pleased with it.

In other news, zero hour is closing in. I'm moving to North Carolina for no reason in two weeks. First stop is CT to shoot guns with Clay, then to NYC to see everybody. Then NC to paint houses or bus tables for a month, then return and hopefully get an actual job. Who knows. I'm feeling good, even though I drank a lot of cheap Mexican agave liquor last night and my stomach hates me. Its not tequila... its something else.

Oh and I didn't get my grant. Looks like its back to the old ways. Small runs and submiting the comic to publishers and artists. A long-ass road ahead of me.

My problems are becomming redundant so I think that means its time to fix them.

In other news, its hard to find a place to work that you are interested in.

In other news, I'm becoming interested in things I never really thought I would. Like web design. Its really floating my boat right now. I wish it floated my boat about five months ago when I had absolutely nothing to do all the time other than sit around and mope.

I'm trying to learn a chord a day. I think a chord a week is more probable. I cannot make an F minor for the life of me. At least not on the Tiny Guitar. And the big guitar is missing two strings, one of which is integral to the construction of the F minor. F being my favorite note, minor being the mood I've been in.

Auntie Lee put me in touch with a great lady who's going to give me advice in the long hard road of becomming a real-life illustrator. You know, my dream job.

I've been teaching kids lately. Its been great. I got a few stories already. My job is basically pushing kids down and calling them stupid. Pushing them down hard. On concrete. Then ripping up chunks of concrete and putting it on top of them so they can't get up. And if they did I'd do it all again.

And now, I'm going to break out that whiskey Tim got me and code for a little while. Maybe work on the comic I scripted a month ago.

Gabby came back for no reason. I gave her her watch back. I need a new watch.

Another sleepless night. No matter how much time passes its always for the same reason. Oh well. I got a few good ideas for drawings and photos while I struggled. I think I'll start one tomorrow, but we'll see. It's hard to work in JP. The house is madness. But its getting better.

I'm realizing the Seagull is a wonderful camera and one of the greatest gifts I've ever received. I'm going to use it in staged photos and one day blow them up so they're not trapped as 3x5s.

Here's an illustration I did for the MA Family Law Quarterly. Bogus, yeah? At any rate its nice when people remember you from things you did almost a decade in the past.



Whatever. It's nice that while I mostly do the gross and vulgar now I can still pull out the cute when its called for. It was for an article about parents mooching off their successful kids. Vamparents. I'm happy I didn't have to go through that during my good times as a small, lovely boy.

In the morning I'm going to work on something for Brian's book and finally get it off to him. Its been like two months. One day at a time, dog. One day at a time. I'm grossing myself out at my increasing interest in web design. I never wanted to be that guy.

I found a watch in my car. I think it's Gabby's. I'm wearing it. I need one anyway.

The other night Tyler couldn't sleep so I lulled him to bed with guitar. I think that means I'm getting better.

I rode Mel's minicycle the other day. I want a motorcyle real bad now.

I'm done with deviance. All it took was a fight and a few ugly parties to put it past me.

Time for sketch and hopefully sleep. Good night.

She Had Casey's Eyes

So this is what I've been working on. Much more to come, hopefully enough to propose a show by the end of the summer. If the large hadron collider winds up making a small black hole in Europe, remember I love you.

So I guess one fo the most difficult things for a person who strives more than anything to be more altruistic than anything in his life is to experience someone who refuses help. When from your perspective you observe someone gradually getting sadder and colder as time passes and no matter how honest and true your intentions, they just can't accept them. It kills me. Its why I can't sleep. Like right now.

I'm planning on moving away for June and July and getting back in time for JIll's wedding. I'm scared and excited all at once. We went out eight years ago which is insane all on its own, but this is just one of those critical events that show that you're growing and aging. I need to call some people.

I discovered today that that wierd thing I had in September is called Exploding Head Syndrome and I have it, or at least have experienced it. Twice in one week. Look it up, it was terrifying.

My head is swimming. I think I'm going to do what I've never done and take some valerian.

I have two episodes of Waterbear Evwywhere scripted, and I think I might make them comics before the next step. I think I'm going to try to start and finish a comic this week. Maybe the one with the ghost. We'll see.

I'm apparently done with titles. I got another hour or so to kill before I cart ma and pa off to the airport. I spent most of tonight learning CSS and its great. Yet another major redesign to the website soon. Maybe even by next week. Its really fun and exciting and I probably sound like an idiot, but I can make dumb and easy webpages and actually make them look good. A thrilling development. I plan on going to the infamous Doowop Diner in Malden after the airport. I haven't been there in a few months.

My prescience has been bothering me. At least in relation to Gabby. She gave me the heaviest deja vu of my life in Montreal. So heavy that I knew exactly what she was going to say as she said it because it was one of those things that in a way she'd already told it to me, in a dream or something like that. Another example: last night she left Haggerty's party to go to CVS and when she got back I knew exactly what was in her bag. Another dumb thing that's been bothering me.

I'm applying for jobs again. I'd like to have time to at least go to the Carolinas with Tim before it picks up again, but whatever. The drawing's coming along, the writing's coming along. To repeat myself for the thousand time This Is Great. TIG. But really, things have been nothing but great lately. One aspect I'd like to improve but there's nothing I can do about it. Other than that, TIG.

I think I might just make breakfast. Some rockhash and scrambies. We'll see.

I figured out a good band name that's actually pertinant if the thing with Tyler and I works out : Sisyfist. Get it? Its like, Sisyphus pushed that rock and Ty and I are gonna PUSH ROCK to new levels. Right.

So tonight was Haggerty's birthday. Enough said about that.

I spent five hours today as emergency room accompaniment yet again. This time Natalie with a 103 fever. Woof.
I didn't bring a book and felt like I was going to die.

We're going to bed and are all farting.

Outside, birds are singin.

I spent a good amount of time today at City Feed talking to amigos new and old about babies, the circus, anarchy and motorcycles. The more time I spend around my pregnant friends, the more I fantasize about settlin down and getting one. Not yet. I hate it. I just wish I were 30 with a cat, a lady and a good job I could quit to open a cafe at my leisure. Small dreams.

Rock doves. More real jobs opportunities are developing, but people keep asking me to go places. Like the Carolinas. And California. We'll see.

So I just made a quick run to dunks. 24 hour dunks was closed so I went to the one on route one. A few dirtbags were there, but they were playing young turks which made everything all right. I worked on the new drawing a little bit today. I'm very pleased with the progress and that part I messed up doesn't bother me.

I got my confirmation letter from the Xeric. I'll know ina month and a half whether or not I get the grant. So much is wating for the summer. I've decided to spend my tax returns on an Octave Cat synthesizer (ebay willing), Gocco machine, and some drum parts. I'm going to pick my drums up from Matt MacNeil's house tomorrow so I don't have to practice at Tyler or Nicole's anymore. All I need is a cymbal and a high hat. Then the Matt/Tyler power project begins.

Been thinking about getting Powfact running again. We'll see.

So tomorrow I go to work, finish the Westlake site, get my W2's and do my taxes. Right now I'm going to start scripting the pilot for Waterbear Evwywhere. Good night.


Work in Progress

I'm ffre.

Another sleepless night

This time I didn't even try. Yesterday was great. First Nice Day 08. We spent it sitting on the front porch, drinking whiskey and lookin shitty. Seriously. It was great. We took a walk at some point to get frozen strawbs for smoothies and I bought a seagull mug for 53 cents at Boomerangs. Then we took a little trip to the far end of Cambridge to the Modern Brewer to get beer-making supplies. We weren't sure how to go about it, so we just got two kits. A porter and a stout. My exhaustion caught up with me and I passed out on the couch around 530. Mel was playing Chrono Trigger and I woke up a few times, and each time she was in a different era. Once I was up, Home Fries showed up with spinach pie and eclaires and we started making beer. There was a lot of waiting so we started up a round of Risk, and I have to say Blood Money by Tom Waits is the perfect album for the combination of stirring foul black goo while simultaneously taking over the world.

Risk lasted six hours and was probably the best game of my life. The contenders were myself, Lawrence, David, Tim and Home Fries. Both Lawrence and I were almost immediately crushed then made massive comebacks and thousands of devastating rolls and eliminated everyone else until we were the last armies standing, he white me red. By then it was 230 and after spending ten minutes pitting my 30 Venezualan armies against his 31 Central American we just called it a draw. We were done with the beer by midnight, and it now has to sit for two weeks before it yields 60 beers. We need to harvest bottles in this time. If you have any, let a dog know.

Around 5 we went to the BCD only to find out as we sat in front for an hour that they open at six now. Breakfast was actually good this time, and we saw Scruffy there which is always nice. Then we drove around and sang to the Kinks for a little while before going home. We then watched the three lovely lady cats fight each other slowly for a half hour, then I finally got to task of writing my cover letter. I think I thought the job I want was something else entirely. But whatever. Maybe it'll work. Or maybe they'll just find out I can't read or pay attention or discern between what things actually are and what I expect they are.

Everything's great. Monotonix again tonight with Black Pus in Providence. Man Man tomorrow. Then I'm Ffre.


This was the view at the top of Mount Royal. Stupid crows.

Here we are

Its been quite a month. I worked as a massive foam sculptor, freelance illustrator for textbooks, and tshirt silkscreener, which I quit. I've come up with a few good ideas for future projects. I submitted my grant proposal to get my new comic Dadman Be Damned printed. I've seen a lot of mates I hadn't in a while. I spent some time with new amigos as well. I haven't been to sleep yet and its 9 am. I tried three times, but frantic thought kept me up all night. I botched an infusion this morning. It'll get fixed in the afternoon. Things take time.

I'm applying for a real job this week. I'm writing my cover letter later today. I'd like to be more coherent when that happens. This is the first job I've seen since graduation that I've actually been excited about, but who knows.

I spent last week in Montreal after quitting my rediculous job. The reason? Tim was going to Montreal. It was fun, but there was no real point. All I did was drink, not sleep, drink coffee, and not drink water. I got to see some fun museums and we played laser tag, though. And I saw Wolf Eyes who were as upsetting as ever. Its hard to watch grown men scowl at their homemade noise-instruments for an hour. You just want things to work out for them, but they're from Detroit, so it won't.

I got back to Lawrence's, slept for maybe three hours and jumped on the bus to New York. The reason? No reason. Well. I wanted to see the Marcel Dzama exhibit that was up (and it was great). And I helped Jack write and record a pilot for this show he's working on, Space Burger. And I started writing the yet to be titled show I'm working on with Alan. Hopefully I'll have it and the other one I'm working on me own pitchable by the end of summer. I got sick on the Fung Wah and spent sunday and monday reclined at Alan's. It was nice though, I watched the Fellowship fo the Ring Rifftrax which was kind of funny. A little repetative. Then Casey came over and we talked a while and ordered pizza then Lawrence came over and we played Smash Brothers, then Alan came home and we all left. Woops! We got more pizza and beer and went to bed.

I have never felt as happy to be home as when I got back yesterday. Just everything felt right and I wanted everything to be right. I hung out at Lawrence's for a bit, then got pizza with Keanne, then beers and sammy's in Salem with the boys. The Boys did show up. Then I got home and thrice tried unsuccessfully to sleep from heavy thoughts. Well, one thought, but its the one that's been troubling me the most, but I think I've come to a reasonable solution, if I can just get the oportunity. Well.

I worked on my drawings last night, though. I messed up one part bad and I'm kind of upset, but I think it'll work out. The second time I woke up, I went for a drive around town between 330 and 430. It was nice and foggy. I listened to the Glow Pt.2 and drove and thought. I thought up a good video/installation with glowing helium balloons weighed down with pennies, so they hover, floating over a pond on a moonless night. I just think the reflection'll look nice. I'll do it when it gets warm out.

Add it to the list. And with that I'm going to try and pass out for a few, and I'll leave you with this gem:


Man Man is saturday, and after that: ffredom.

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CHINESE NEW YEAR!!

Here's some recent photos. I like them, I hope you do.

Its an ugly day

Bleak. Its been an eventful time though, since I came to Boston last night. I saw a free performance at Berklee, classical piano, cello and violin. I liked it alot, though obviously not as much as the experimental set I saw the night before. That was wonderful. After that Tyler, Ryan, Keanne, Paola and I went to Paola's friends house and hung there and played strange Brasilian instruments, listened to Lead Belly, and watched American Idol, something I've never done. We hung there till around midnight, which I didn't understand as being possible.

I crashed at Keanne's and we talked for a while about our brains, and the difficulties of living and finding reasons for everything especially when there isn't a good reason for anything right now. I went to bed around 2 or 3 and got up at 8. I saw Keanne off at the bus stop and abrubtly bumbed into my friend Robin who I haven't seen in at least two years, maybe more. She worked at the animal hospital and suggested I get a job there, which I just might apply for. No reason not to. Prepositions. I hung in her little office for about an hour and witnessed a janitor take extreme pleasure in peeing.

I'm killing time right now. I'm meeting with auntie Lee in three hours. I don't want to wake Lawrence up, buts its pouring out and I've been in this cafe for almost an hour. My friend Meg works here, and I thought she'd moved to New Mexico, but aparently that's been postponed. I couldn't get free coffee because her boss was sleeping on the couch. I'm not sure where I'll head after this. I might just walk to the pru and kill time. Its pretty raw out, but no big deal.

Later on I'm working with Lawrence at the bakery. Accross the street from Caitlin. It could be problematic, but I don't think so. She says she's over me and I'll just be hiding in the back. Not much else you can do. I wish I wasn't working there, but its the only work I've had in three months, a realisation that has been crushing me this past week. I've been home for three months.

I have a few leads in regards to work. Freelance, etc. Time is very slow. I'm emptying my studio on Friday. I need to lighten my load. I discovered some savings bonds I thought I'd already cashed, and have to figure out whether I should spend the money on a car, or a month in Italy. It really is a tough call. I should get out of here.

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Seagull photos

My first real roll of film shot with the illustrious seagull. A sweet little machine she is.